this may be a long one

I have recently either been extremely hormonal or extremely fed up with things & people.  I'm really betting its the latter of the two; however, some people have said I'm just being hormonal (bitches).  Anyways, to start this off I will say that I HATE using the telephone for anything more than texting.  I have a landline for whatever reason (oh yeah, our cell phones don't have good service here), but if it never rang I would be ok with that.  It does come in handy though when my husband is deployed & our cell service sucks and he calls to talk.  I like the phone then.  I love my family, more than anything... but why is it I ALWAYS have to call you?!  Really, last I checked all of you had my number, you want to know something... use it!  Instead some of you are asking my mother about me & why I haven't called... think when is the last time you called me?  Better yet, when is the last time you saw me besides when I come home & sort of feel obligated to see you?  Anyways, then there is the case of the in-laws.  Why in the world is it appropriate for you to ask me if I've heard from Cam, how he is, and what color socks he wore that day yet when he does call your phones you somehow neglect to inform me that you have heard from him?  I don't tell you anymore when I talk to him out of kindness unless there is something I feel should be relayed to you.  Maybe when you extend the same courtesy to me, I will extend it to you again... maybe no guarantees though.

Now I will move on to the fact that I am sooo sick & tired of people being straight bitches & then saying trying to excuse it with some lame ass well rehearsed phrase.  Get off of your fucking soapbox & quit acting like you are the KNOW ALL of the Army & how things should go.  Quite a few people forget what its like to be new to something & not understand/remember what it all feels like.  I HATE  the fact that there is always some group of people who feel like they are entitled & their opinion is final word.  Most of all I hate double standards and hypocrisy.  I joined a group for support & to meet people who could help me understand things, but at the same time understood what the lifestyle was like and help you get through it... it seems lately to be more of a drama fest and stoning is punishment.  I really feel bad for some of those people who get attacked, because a handful of people are vicious and stop at nothing to make you feel like nothing.  But you have to wonder what sort of life they lead, if the computer really makes them brave & if they were raised that way.

Tricare, is a whole other issue.  Damn Prime doesn't seem to have that many perks that made me want to keep it & I'm not conveniently close to the base, so I went standard.  Anyways, I just got a bill from my OB/GYN and GOODNESS!!!! I did call Tricare claims and got things straightened out and some understanding.  I will now turn my distaste towards the Dr office and how they "tricked" me, lacking a better word.  I think I will be finding another OB to see and one that is in the network.

ok, I'm done.

giving you a little insight

1. I am...
normally more perverted than most males i know, and also shy, funny & a little high maitenance

2. I love...
spending time with my family & friends and laughing until our insides hurt

3. Right now, I want...
to talk to my husband, but that will probably be tomorrow morning

4. I feel like...
going & getting a spa day

5. I hate...
double standards/hypocrisy, attention whores, drama, & pessimists

6. I hate it when...
i have the biggest urge to shop & find nothing cute, or hate the way any & everything fits

7. I fear...
i don't like to list those, but the biggest is failure

8. I'm lonely without...
my family & friends

8. I need...
a massage, hair cut, eyebrows waxed, to clean the kitche

9. Today...
i mailed my census & watched new moon

10. Tomorrow...
i'm getting my eyebrows waxed!  and going to get stuff done for my car

11. I enjoy...
having a good time, watching movies, & singing loudly to the radio

12. I want to meet...
this baby

13. I'm hungry for...
nothing, i'm stuffed

14. I love it when...
I talk to my husband, Reese makes me laugh

15. I'm afraid of...
failure, bugs

16. I'm listening to...
House of Payne

17. I'm wearing...
jeans & tshirt

18. I wish I was in...
VA

19. I'm craving...
nothing

20. I want to get...
an ultrasound to know the baby's sex, cam some birthday stuff to send

20. I can...
take care of things around the house all by myself.

21. I can't...
convince myself to go into storage or the attic

22. I have...
the most amazing husband & the most animated puppy

23. I haven't...
washed dishes today

24. I'm nervous to...
travel home everytime i do

25. My Mom thinks I'm...
ask her

26. My Dad thinks I'm...
ask him

28. I'm happy...
with who i've become & decisions ive made

29. I'm sad when...
Cam sounds sad or realizing he has to miss out on things

30. I like eating...
ice cream

31. I hate eating...
i don't eat things i don't like

32. I love watching...
Kole play, reese play, movies

33. I love listening to...
cam talk, my ipod

34. I like playing...
i'm not really a game person

35. I hate waking up to...
reese being bad

36. I can see...
that we will be a great family

37. I'm glad that...
i've been given the chance to learn i can do well on my own

38. I'm disappointed that...
Cam won't be here to see my belly grow

39. I look like...
my mother

40. I never...
take people for granted.

41. I just...
realized its almost april

42. I last bought...
food, this past weekend.

visitors & more

well this weekend my mom & sister came to visit.  it was great to have visitors, I get so lonely here.  Cam would feel horrible if he knew that, so I never tell him, but it's true.  I have Reese, my puppy to keep me company, but she doesn't talk.  She really doesn't listen either!  Anyways, getting ready for my family to come I was cleaning the house, & I mean cleaning!  Reese decided after my very thorough vacuuming that she would bring in some dirt & a pinecone and make a mess... eerrgghh. I've got Cam's closet most of the way organized, although I'm not sure I love it.  I may just make it work until I find something else but the good news is the device I bought is good for other storage stuff too.  I bought a shower caddy thing that is a corner thing, I don't like it, it doesn't work it these stupid showers!  So when my mom & sister got here we went into town to get food & shop.  I bought tops I can grow with haha, but my boobs if they keep growing I'm not sure they'll fit into anything.

I got to talk to Cam yesterday & today, I believe Friday too but I don't really remember.  Anyways, he sounded good & like he was feeling well.  He said he got to shower, scratch that, got to wash his hair, feet, arms & chest. haha so he said he's halfway clean.  What I wouldn't give just to see him, stinky & all.  He did tell me that he's not sure if I should send a package to him because he may not get it.  That broke my heart, I was looking forward to sending him something, for his birthday especially.  I wonder if we'll ever get to spend his birthday together, or better if he'll ever be in the US for his birthday again!

Friday I met & went to dinner with two awesome Army wives,  I was really glad to meet some people.  It is so funny how people perceive someone to be & throw their judgements around, because one of the ladies is really nothing like people think.  She is very insightful, smart, caring, & funny.  It sucks that she doesn't live around here but I'm sure we'll get to meet again.  The other girl, I didn't know was coming, but I'm glad she did.  She lives close & her husband & mine have a lot in common.  Hopefully we can hang out soon too.

I'm thinking about going home for easter.  I always go to church on easter & would love to be with family, although I'm not sure they're doing anything for it.

motivated yet not

so, somedays I am really motivated to get things done around the house & just stuff in general & other days, not so much.  I'm not sure but I hope this is a normal for the deployment rollercoaster because if not, I need some help.  So, Sunday I tackled Cam's half of the closet... I don't know any other male that has so many clothes.  So I organized it, folded, hung & just cleaned.  Monday, was a down day- I didn't go to the post office like I was going to or get my car inspected to transfer everything to North Carolina status.

Anyways, monday I hit 11 weeks pregnant & am excited to get further & further along.  Now, when is this baby going show?!  My regular jeans still fit, I notice they are a little snug but nothing too bad & my fitted shirts aren't as flattering.  And you may be asking why I'm in a hurry to show?  well my followers for the simple fact that I don't look AND feel fat, when that baby starts to show I'll only feel fat haha!  I cooked a descent dinner monday, pork chops, green beans, & applesauce.  However, in doing so I reminded myself how lonely eating dinner by yourself really can be.  I need to make friends here, I'm just so shy & don't really know where to start.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was a great day for me.  I had a fabulous wake up call, Cam!  We got to talk for a while & he told me about him and his people buying & eating a goat.  That he likes what he is doing & his group.  Then at dinnertime (my time) he called again!  So it was almost as good as having him here eating next to me.  If that happens more often I will be satisfied.

Reese has been a little hard to handle lately.  I think she's either just had a few "bad puppy" days or either hitting the worst part of puppy stage.  I've got an appointment to get her spayed & hopefully that will calm her down some.  I'm also going to sign her up for obedience & training classes.  It will help us both & help me train her here and set rules for when the baby comes.

what to do today

I got back to my new home from my hometown yesterday... now today I'm trying to figure out what to do to entertain myself.  I know I have to go out & get Reese dog food, she had her breakfast & there's no more!  This morning didn't start out so good, we had a termite inspection in our housing area & well, they weren't supposed to come to our house cause I wasn't supposed to be home.  Well they showed up, ringing the doorbell, knocking on the door & then unlocking my door all by 8am!  So that got taken care of, I just have to talk to the landlord about it because we both were under the impression they would skip me.  Anyways, I talked to Cam last night (morning his time) and they were supposed to be leaving for yet another FOB... I hate this, just pick a place & stay!  This morning I look at the bank & notice our check should be in on Friday but there are 2 charges for the Eagle Cash Card.... I'm going to have to have a talk with Cam about this.  I might be going to Charleston this weekend with the in-laws, but it depends on when Reese's spaying appointment is made.  That & what all I get done around the house these next 2 days.  I'm more leaning on staying home though because I've been doing a lot of traveling the last few weeks & Reese just needs to be home & have a stable environment.  Besides, traveling equals spending money & I'm quite tired of putting gas in my car.

This weekend was fun though, I got to see my friends from home.  Well all except one- but we went to dinner & chatted like old times.  I also spent time with my sister, grandparents, & one set of Aunt & Uncle.  I played with my cousins baby on Saturday, I've missed him and he is getting sooo big & cuter everyday.

On monday I officially became 10 weeks pregnant.  Things are moving by quickly & its kind of scarey to go through a pregnancy alone, especially a first one.  I have a doctors appointment Thursday, it's supposed to be just a panel visit where they get my full history & inform me of all sorts of fun stuff.  I'm sure there will be more bloodwork drawn & all the excitement of peeing in a cup!  I can hardly contain myself.  It sucks because I'll be doing this appointment alone.  My next ultrasound is in April, and my mom is coming up for that thankfully.

day 4

so, it has been four days since Cam has left.  I've done exceptionally well & have only cried once.  I've gotten to talk to him everyday so far & sometimes more than once.  I fear that he has landed in the dreaded place though & I probably won't get much communication.  It's ok, I'm prepared about as much as I can be for that.  Reese has been a little more playful today, but in doing so she's also been looking for Cam too.  It breaks my heart that she doesn't realize he's not here.  I'm worried that she may not remember him when he does come home or might act funny.  I've been feeling sick today ALL DAY, i truly hate these sort of days.  It makes it almost impossible to get things done.  I did clean the kitchen & get all of our mail and paperwork sorted & organized.  I did get some comfort talking to another army wife whose husband is in dh's unit though. she's heard the same rumor I have heard (and our husbands aren't in the same place)!  This could be very very good.... but of course with all things Army you hope for the best & prepare for the worst.

back in the small town

So, I came home today.  I was supposed to come home last night but I didnt feel like being here nor did I feel like making the drive on a nauseated stomach.  I hate driving, I wish plane tickets weren't so much because I would fly EVERYWHERE literally.  Reese is sleeping next to me on the couch, I think she is worn out from being able to run in a yard, little does she know she will get that pleasure next weekend too!  I love getting to see my family. I go back to my lovely boring job tomorrow.  I should be thankful that I found a job so easily with the economy how it is & living in a small town.  But i feel like I was mislead & I'm going to try to go part-time instead of full-time or if they're not interested in that idea I will leave & allow someone else to have the job.  I've gotten to talk to Cam a descent amount of times, but not nearly enough.  The last time I talked to him at 6:15am today he still wasn't at his destination & had no idea when they would get there!  What the deuce man?!  I just hope he stays safe & time passes quickly for him and myself.  I should get started writting him a letter, but I'm just so drained... I'll get it done a little later.